trying to move on

After Beatrix was diagnosed with FIP, the vet explained that there is no treatment and no definitive reason why cats get this disease. I made a promise to her that once she started struggling to breathe again I would have her euthanized. 
FIP is heartbreaking and not fair. Why her? Why me?  I hoped and prayed for my cat's to arrive here safely after years of waiting to fulfill this dream, and it seemed like a cruel trick to have to say goodbye to her already.  I'm still heartbroken, angry, and a little lump rises in my throat when I see pictures of her and talk about her. Someone shared this poem with me and somehow it has brought me peace.

My dear human,
I see that you are crying, for it is my moment to leave. Don't cry, please. I want to explain some things to you.
You're sad because I left, but I'm glad I met you.
How many cats like me die daily without meeting someone special like you?

I know it saddens you my departure, but I had to go now.
I want to ask you not to blame yourself for anything. I heard you sobbing that you should have done something else for me. Don't say that, you've done a lot for me! Without you I would have known nothing of the beauty I carry with me today.
You must know that we animals live the present intensely and we are very wise: we enjoy every little thing every day, and forget the bad past quickly. Our lives begin when we know love, the same love you gave me, my angel without wings and two legs.

Know that even if you find an animal that is seriously injured, and that you only have a little bit of time in this world, you provide a huge service by accompanying you in your final transition.

None of us likes to be alone, except when we realize it's time to leave.

Maybe for you it's not so important that one of you is next to us caressing us and holding our paw, helps us go in peace.
No more crying, please. I'll be happy. I have in memory the name you gave me, the warmth of your house that in this time became mine. I take the sound of your voice talking to me, even though I don't always understand what you were saying to me.
I carry in my heart every caress you gave me.

Everything you did was very valuable to me and I thank you endlessly, I don't know how to tell you, because I don't speak your language, but surely in my eyes you could see my gratitude.

I'm just gonna ask for two favors. Wash your face and start smiling.

Remember how good we live together these moments, remember the antics I made to cheer you up.
Relive like me all the good we share in this time.
And do not say you will not adopt another animal, because you have suffered a lot from my departure. Without you I would not live the beauties I lived.

Please don't do this! There are many like me waiting for someone like you.

Give them what you gave me, please, they need it just like I needed you.

Don't keep the love you have to give, for fear of suffering.
Follow my advice, cherish the good you share with each of us, recognizing that you are an angel to us animals, and that without people like you our life would be harder than sometimes it is.
Follow your noble task, now it's up to me to be your angel.
I will accompany you in your path and help you help others like me.

I will talk to other animals who are here with me, I will tell you everything you have done for me and I will point and say proudly: "that's my family".

Tonight, when you look at the sky and see a blinking star I want you to know that it's me flashing an eye; warning you that I arrived well and telling you "thank you for the love you gave me".
I say goodbye now not saying " goodbye ", but " see you later ".
There is a special sky for people like you, the sky where we go and life reward us by making us meet there.
I'll be waiting for you!"

Rest in Peace my sweet girl <3 Someday we will meet again!